Friday, July 16, 2010

Hey White Liar

The truth comes out a little at a time…

If you say you've never lied, you're probably, well, lying. Nobody wants to admit they lie. But I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone lies. How can we not? Most of us are brought up with lies. Think about the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny and even Santa Clause. Are those stories we hear, most of the time from a very young age, considered lies? In reality, it is probably so. But often we consider lies like these myths or traditions. Why? Is this for our benefit? To make us feel better?

In the UK, a paper towel company who created a commercial with a dad telling his son the paper towels had thousands of tiny elephants in the paper to slurp up the water, did some research on parents telling white lies to their children. The results were as follows:

• 75% of parents have told a white lie to their children
• 90% tell a white lie to protect their child's innocence
• 44% tell a white lie because they don't know the answer
• 40% have told a white lie in the last month
• Tooth fairy most popular white lie (86%) with Santa Clause, (85%), a close second
(Source: Lotus Thirst pockets (ICM Omnibus))

A research psychologist, Dr. Aric Sigman, then analyzed the findings. According to Dr. Sigman, white lies are half truths, embellishments or outright myths that parents use to explain answers to difficult questions. He says the research proves that parents tell white lies with good intention. Parents tell white lies to protect the child’s innocence and to stimulate their imagination. Some tell white lies because the answer to a question is too complicated and many because they don’t know the answer themselves. That’s all well and good but when does it stop? What about the lies adults tell to each other?

The definition of lie is:
  1. to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive
  2. to create a false or misleading impression
We are lied to daily by the news, media and commercials. We hear opinions voiced as the truth. We are just being told what we are wanted to hear. Everyone has the right to an opinion. But it does not make it the truth. Yet so many people think this is the case.

Not all lies are malicious. Many are told to make it easier for people to get along. That kind of lie is fairly harmless. I’m talking about telling someone that you like their dress when in reality you don’t. If telling the whole truth hurts someone and makes them feel bad about themselves, it might be better to pad the truth. Brutal honesty can be cruel and sometimes used as a toxic weapon. It’s become socially acceptable to not tell the whole truth if it hurts someone’s feelings.

We tell lies for all sorts of reasons. Maybe we want to get something, like a reward or a raise. Or maybe we are trying to protect someone, a family member, a friend or a lover. We tell lies without even thinking. It varies from exaggerating stories, to leaving details out, to wearing a wig or false eyelashes. We ask "How are you?" when we don't really care. We lie to ourselves about how much we eat, how often we exercise and how much time we spend doing various activities. We rationalize the reasons for it to be okay. Maybe we should revise the word ‘rationalize’ to be ‘rationa-lies’.

A friend of mine one time said the main difference between a white lie and a real lie is that a real lie is told to protect you, while a white lie is told to protect someone else. That’s something to think about. Lying is not in the words, or lack of words; it's in the intention of the deceiver. Regardless, it's still a lie.

And it spreads just like a fire,
Slips off of your tongue like turpentine.
And I don't know why, white liar…

Knitayear is still going strong. I am enjoying this project. Day 102, July 11, I was a bit apprehensive. I always get this way before big presentation and/or before seeing and being with a group of friends I love. I chose a brown yarn with a sparkle in it. Brown for the apprehensive feeling and the sparkle because I know it’s going to be good after I get there. July 12, was a comfortable day. I knew it would be. The presentation went well and my buds were happy we were all together to visit. I chose an aqua/blue variegated yarn. The aqua is one of my favorite colors. It makes me feel comfortable to have that color around. I woke up on day 104, July 13, with a nervous feeling. I kept feeling like there was something going on but couldn’t quite put my finger on it. All turned out okay and in fact it was a fun day with one of our friend’s bands playing. We laughed and had a good time. But there was still this feeling. I chose a fuzzy gold yarn with black and white dots throughout. I thought the texture described the background feeling I was having but the black and white was the reality. July 14, day 105 was a reserved day. I went to meetings and watched and learned. If you stay quiet and pay attention you can see and hear a lot of things. I chose a pale variegated ribbon. It’s strong but the colors are subtle, in the background, not popping up front. July 15 was the flight back home to reality. I picked a variegated blue/purple yarn. It’s always sad to leave and I always drift into a melancholy mood. On the bright side though, we went to Seminole and got to see the little guys. That’s always a pleasant experience. Also, my sister and my nephew were there. He got the luck of the draw and won the first leave from Afghanistan. It was so good to see him. They came home with us and spent the night. July 16, day 107 was a visit with my sister and nephew before they went on to El Paso then back to Albuquerque. It was a happy morning. I chose a pink/green camo yarn. It reminded me of my sister and my nephew as he has to go back to Afghanistan. The pink was for her, a mother’s love. The camo, green and brown, was for him, our Army soldier. And I’m thinking about the things people say, for themselves and for and to others. And I know. And I’ll ‘rationa-lies’ and try to be kinder than necessary, because everyone is fighting some kind of battle.

Here's a bombshell just for you.
Turns out I've been lying too…

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