Thursday, August 26, 2010

If I Leave Here Tomorrow

Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now,
’cause there’s too many places I’ve got to see.

And then there were none. We have an empty nest again. According to Google Maps, Bryce is a 5210.33 miles away. Ty is 958 miles away. Callye is only 100 miles away, but sometimes it seems like 1000, too. Point is none of them are here. Well, except for Junior of course.

Bryce is in another country. 5000+ miles is hard for me to picture. But I’m happy for him. He’s on his big adventure! He’s working on a master’s degree in geophysics in Europe. It’s a two year program. He starts off in The Netherlands and goes to Switzerland and then Germany. It’s exciting and scary at the same time. For me that is! I knew, at least, while he was in the states I could go see him if I needed to or be there if there was an emergency. I don’t have that comfort now.

 We helped Bryce move from Tulsa, where he’d been for three years, back to Crane so he could prepare for his big trip. It was a hard trip to Tulsa. We left at 4:00 pm and got there around 4:00 am. We did stop and eat Chinese food in Abilene, but other than that we didn’t stop. As soon as we arrived we went to bed, for a while anyway. Alan and Junior slept in the living room. Yes, Junior was there. I slept in the bedroom with Bryce. The little bed in the extra room was already packed up. It seemed like we’d just lain down and it was time to get up.

He had worked. I was skeptical because I know my kid. But he had done some packing. Quite a bit really, which made it a lot better then it could have been. He and Alan went on a speedy breakfast run, while I got a quick shower. Bryce’s friend James came over and the fun began. They got started on loading the big items, the couch, table, chairs, etc., and I was relegated to his bedroom to start on the clothes.

My job was to pack up Bryce’s clothes and stuff in his room. I looked in his closet and I felt a kinship. He likes shoes and clothes. I do too. And neither of us think you can have too many! His clothes are hung, grouped together by color. I have more clothes than him but I like mine grouped the same way. He doesn’t like to wear the same pair of shoes two days in a row. I don’t either. He wants enough underwear and socks available so he doesn’t have to go to the laundry every week if he doesn’t want to. I think that’s a necessity. He likes his quilts and afghans. I love quilts and made the afghans!

 I start to pack. He doesn’t have any wire hangers, which for some reason I find humorous. I take the shirts off their plastic hangers in the order they are hung. The color grouping is transferring to the suitcase. I can’t help it. I’m rolling each shirt and placing it in the suitcase. Next are his pants, rolled as well, and put in a suitcase. I even set his shoes, pair by pair, into another bag. It occurs to me that I’m packing the last three years of his life into suitcases and bags.

 Soon, his apartment is almost empty. The warm rooms, the bright colors, home as it’s been for the past three years, is fast becoming a memory. As I am packing I think about what I’m doing. I’m not just packing belongings. I’m helping Bryce get ready for a new journey along life’s highway. It’s a long way ahead and he’s ready. And I’m reminded that it wasn’t all that long ago when I was the one getting ready for the journey. And it makes me a little sad.

But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn’t be the same.
Cause I’m as free as a bird now,
And this bird you’ll never change.

Day 144 of knitayear is August 22, 2010. I called mom, a day late, and wished her happy birthday. She sounded good. It’s Sunday and I’m tired. Seems I’m always tired. But it’s a good day, taking things easy, getting some things done but not stressing. Rested at the end of the day, I’m ready to face the week ahead. I chose a ribbon yarn, a blue/black/orange and green colorway. It’s peaceful to me, colors that meld together and remind me of sunset somehow. Day 145 is a typical Monday. I’m busy, with a lot of things to get done. I’m tired by the end of day. Again. I chose a brown and green sock yarn, doubled. I’m trying to remember what I made out of it and it’s slipping away, just at the edge of my memory. I give up. Tuesday, August 24 is day 146. I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for 146 days. That’s a long time! And what is it? I still don’t know. It’s just a year of my life. I am still tired. Drained. I visited two schools today. The visits were productive. I chose a black/gray flag yarn. I can’t perk up. The white part is the energy and the gray, sinking til it’s finally black with no energy left. Day 147 is August 25. I’m helping some schools who are having trouble with their accountability. It’s a state rating thing. I’m not sure why I was asked. But I’m here, nevertheless. I have a lot to do and I’m satisfied when all the schools are settled and I can go back to my desk and get my stuff done. I chose a purple/green/blue variegated wool. It’s pretty and a great combination. It makes me feel better for some reason. I’m ready for the rest of this week’s journey. I think.

Bye, bye, it’s been a sweet love.
Though this feeling I can’t change.
But please don’t take it badly,
cause lord knows I’m to blame.

Cause I’m as free as a bird now,
And this bird you’ll never change.


  1. Oh my you brought tears to my eyes and I need to be sleeping not cryin. I'm sure your kids feel very blessed to have you for a mom. You're a class act.

  2. I was singing Freebird in my head the whole time I was reading. I understand having kids too far away. You're a great Mom!

  3. Wow girls! What a compliment. Especially coming from two of the best moms ever!

  4. I know how you must feel! It's hard to see your children leave for so far away!
    Big hugs to Mom! You're great!

    Thanks also for the sweet comments on my blog! :) They always make my day!