If I Leave Here Tomorrow

Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now,
’cause there’s too many places I’ve got to see.

And then there were none. We have an empty nest again. According to Google Maps, Bryce is a 5210.33 miles away. Ty is 958 miles away. Callye is only 100 miles away, but sometimes it seems like 1000, too. Point is none of them are here. Well, except for Junior of course.

Bryce is in another country. 5000+ miles is hard for me to picture. But I’m happy for him. He’s on his big adventure! He’s working on a master’s degree in geophysics in Europe. It’s a two year program. He starts off in The Netherlands and goes to Switzerland and then Germany. It’s exciting and scary at the same time. For me that is! I knew, at least, while he was in the states I could go see him if I needed to or be there if there was an emergency. I don’t have that comfort now.

 We helped Bryce move from Tulsa, where he’d been for three years, back to Crane so he could prepare for his big trip. It was a hard trip to Tulsa. We left at 4:00 pm and got there around 4:00 am. We did stop and eat Chinese food in Abilene, but other than that we didn’t stop. As soon as we arrived we went to bed, for a while anyway. Alan and Junior slept in the living room. Yes, Junior was there. I slept in the bedroom with Bryce. The little bed in the extra room was already packed up. It seemed like we’d just lain down and it was time to get up.

He had worked. I was skeptical because I know my kid. But he had done some packing. Quite a bit really, which made it a lot better then it could have been. He and Alan went on a speedy breakfast run, while I got a quick shower. Bryce’s friend James came over and the fun began. They got started on loading the big items, the couch, table, chairs, etc., and I was relegated to his bedroom to start on the clothes.

My job was to pack up Bryce’s clothes and stuff in his room. I looked in his closet and I felt a kinship. He likes shoes and clothes. I do too. And neither of us think you can have too many! His clothes are hung, grouped together by color. I have more clothes than him but I like mine grouped the same way. He doesn’t like to wear the same pair of shoes two days in a row. I don’t either. He wants enough underwear and socks available so he doesn’t have to go to the laundry every week if he doesn’t want to. I think that’s a necessity. He likes his quilts and afghans. I love quilts and made the afghans!

 I start to pack. He doesn’t have any wire hangers, which for some reason I find humorous. I take the shirts off their plastic hangers in the order they are hung. The color grouping is transferring to the suitcase. I can’t help it. I’m rolling each shirt and placing it in the suitcase. Next are his pants, rolled as well, and put in a suitcase. I even set his shoes, pair by pair, into another bag. It occurs to me that I’m packing the last three years of his life into suitcases and bags.

 

 Soon, his apartment is almost empty. The warm rooms, the bright colors, home as it’s been for the past three years, is fast becoming a memory. As I am packing I think about what I’m doing. I’m not just packing belongings. I’m helping Bryce get ready for a new journey along life’s highway. It’s a long way ahead and he’s ready. And I’m reminded that it wasn’t all that long ago when I was the one getting ready for the journey. And it makes me a little sad.

But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn’t be the same.
Cause I’m as free as a bird now,
And this bird you’ll never change.

Day 144 of knitayear is August 22, 2010. I called mom, a day late, and wished her happy birthday. She sounded good. It’s Sunday and I’m tired. Seems I’m always tired. But it’s a good day, taking things easy, getting some things done but not stressing. Rested at the end of the day, I’m ready to face the week ahead. I chose a ribbon yarn, a blue/black/orange and green colorway. It’s peaceful to me, colors that meld together and remind me of sunset somehow. Day 145 is a typical Monday. I’m busy, with a lot of things to get done. I’m tired by the end of day. Again. I chose a brown and green sock yarn, doubled. I’m trying to remember what I made out of it and it’s slipping away, just at the edge of my memory. I give up. Tuesday, August 24 is day 146. I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for 146 days. That’s a long time! And what is it? I still don’t know. It’s just a year of my life. I am still tired. Drained. I visited two schools today. The visits were productive. I chose a black/gray flag yarn. I can’t perk up. The white part is the energy and the gray, sinking til it’s finally black with no energy left. Day 147 is August 25. I’m helping some schools who are having trouble with their accountability. It’s a state rating thing. I’m not sure why I was asked. But I’m here, nevertheless. I have a lot to do and I’m satisfied when all the schools are settled and I can go back to my desk and get my stuff done. I chose a purple/green/blue variegated wool. It’s pretty and a great combination. It makes me feel better for some reason. I’m ready for the rest of this week’s journey. I think.

 

Bye, bye, it’s been a sweet love.
Though this feeling I can’t change.
But please don’t take it badly,
cause lord knows I’m to blame.

Cause I’m as free as a bird now,
And this bird you’ll never change.

And I’m Proud To Be An American…

Where at least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.

On July 4, 1776, the Declaration of Independence was approved setting 13 colonies on the way to becoming an independent nation. Independence Day is the national day of the United States of America. Wikipedia says National Day is a designated date on which celebrations mark the nationhood of a nation or non-sovereign country. Americans celebrate July 4 with fireworks, parades, barbecues, picnics, baseball games and family. But without the freedom we have being American citizens, this wouldn’t happen.

I wonder sometimes if we take freedom for granted. Freedom means the state of being free. And in America that means we can do almost anything. We have free speech. We can read what we want and watch what we want on television. We can vote and we can worship in the way we are comfortable.

On one of the quotation pages on the Internet I ran across this anonymous quote; “Freedom is never free.” It really spoke to me. My nephew is in Afghanistan. He’s helping people who don’t want our help. He’s fighting for freedom for a country that will never be free. And he’s fighting for us to keep our freedom. He’s been over there since May. By luck of the draw he gets the first leave and will be here in the states to celebrate his 22nd birthday. He has a Facebook page and posts when he can. It’s scary what he’s already had to see and go through. “Kinda messed up that for the month of June my battalion had 1/10th of the NATO KIAs. Even more messed up that for June we had 1/6th of the US KIAs.” They lose comrades and friends and then wonder if it even makes the news over here. According to http://www.icasualties.org/oef/, approximately 1188 American soldiers have lost their lives so far. It doesn’t make sense.

Next July when you are getting ready for your picnic and fireworks, think about what Independence Day really means. Think about the people that have made the ultimate sacrifice. In fact, don’t wait until next July. Do it now. Think about your freedom and all you are able to do. Then think about the cost associated with it. And be thankful you’re an American.


Well there's pride in every American heart, and it’s time we stand and say.
That I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.

I’ve started the summer strip of the knitayear. It’s strange to be starting again. I guess it’s probably a personal thing but I really like how it looks. It doesn’t go together but it comes together. July 1, day 92, brought more rain. I like the rain and it wouldn’t bother me if it rained every day. I was relieved that it’s the last day before vacation. I’m so ready. I chose a pale blue/white yarn to start the summer section. It reminded me of the grayish sky when it’s cloudy and it’s a calming color. July 2 is day 93 and brought still more rain. We leave for vacation and I packed in anticipation of a restful time. I chose a blue/green ribbon yarn with different textures and sections of yarn combined to make one strand. The rain is making everything look so green and pretty. Day 94, and in the mountains it’s raining too. It’s so nice. Everyone who is coming is here. We’ll have a great time and I’ll be patient and take things as they come. I chose a blue/green/orange variegated. It’s a calm color combination and reminds me of spring. July 4, day 95, was a beautiful day. There were no fireworks this year as they had all been canceled either because of rain or drought. It was a day filled with family and fun and we just enjoyed each other. I’m proud I’m American and can make the choices I make. I chose a red/white/pink variegated. It’s patriotic with the red and white and the pink adds calmness. July 5, the 96th day of knitayear, all company gone, a beautiful day in the mountains and feeling revived and ready to face the rest of the week and whatever comes. I chose a peacock color eyelash yarn. It’s green, blue, purple and yellow. It’s bright and vibrant and reminded me of being energetic and alive. We’ll head back tomorrow and hit the next task. It was a good rest. I’m glad I live in America and I can come and go as I please. Thank you soldiers.

I’d thank my lucky stars, to be livin’ here today.
‘ Cause the flag still stands for freedom, and they can’t take that away.
And I gladly stand up, next to you and defend her still today.
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.