I really wanna know,
Tell me, who are you?
'Cause I really wanna know…
Have you ever heard of Sybil? It’s a true story about a girl who played host to about sixteen separate and distinct personalities. Hers was a mental disorder, the result of child abuse. Eventually, with a lot of therapy, she recovered. Sometimes I feel like Sybil. But it’s not all in my head. I have a lot of different roles. I am a wife, mother, Mamye, daughter, sister, friend, enemy, coworker and employee. It’s just what females do.
When I am the wife I am part of a partnership. We are empty nesters now and have had to make some adjustments. We both travel for work quite a lot. So, to ease the transition, Junior came to live with us. He keeps the one not traveling, company. He’s become one of the family. He’s just another kid!
When I’m the mother my name is “mom”. I think I did okay. But if you ask the kids you may get a completely different opinion. I admit I missed some important things because of work. I regret it but it’s done so I can’t dwell on it. I worked so they could have some things they might not have had otherwise. I hope they know that I’m here for them and always have been and that I support them in everything they do or would like to do. The kids are great. They are all self sufficient and have a good work ethic. They are all intelligent. I may or may not have influenced any of that but they all turned out okay.
Being a sister might be one of my weakest areas. I’m not easy to get close to. I’m the big sister. My sister is 3 years younger than me and my brother is 9 years younger. I was gone when she was in high school and almost the whole time my brother was growing up. I didn’t get to know him very well at all. We are all fairly close now, though, so I guess it turned out okay.
I make a very good enemy. If I don’t like you there will be no doubt. I do like most people, though, and give them the benefit of the doubt. But one time betrayed or crossed, well, that might be the only time there is. I don’t have any use for people who lie to me or backstab or walk on me. My mother is one of those who let people do things to her and use her. I watched for years and decided long ago I wasn’t going to be that way. I detest confrontation, but if push comes to shove, I’ll do it.
I’m a good employee. People are lucky to have me work for them! Treated fairly, I will give them my all. In fact, it’s a fault. I spent way too many hours at work, to the expense of my family. It’s too late now, but if I had it to do again it would be different. I’d make sure my family came first, and then I’d take care of work. Your family is always going to be there. You’re just an employee when it comes to work. And you’re a dispensable employee that can always be replaced, at that.
Who, who, who, who?
Whoever I am knitting is part of it. Or doing something with yarn or with my hands. It’s the fall strip of the knitayear, day 184, but a brand new section. October 1, starts it and it’s a day off for me. I don’t want to go out of the house. It’s like I’ve just withdrawn and I’m perfectly happy with it. I chose yarn that is thick and thin in texture and green, orange and gold in color. It’s pretty, I like it, and that’s what I wanted to use today. October 2, day 185, I felt so much better. I guess I needed alone time. I’m comforted and ready to get back out. It’s haircut day and that in itself is comforting! I picked yarn that is a red, yellow and blue twist. It reminds me of autumn. Sunday, day 186, is October 3. It’s a day of rest and I am slack, doing not much of anything. I picked blue/green wool, because it’s peaceful and that’s how I was today too. Day 187, Monday, October 4 is a hectic day. I am fully engaged in all three things I’m trying to do at once! I’m getting ready for the big training tomorrow and it’s nerve wracking. Pink and green ribbon, really pale colors that blend together well is what I picked for today. Day 188 is October 5. I have the day off and go to Seminole, then on to Lubbock. We meet mom and Judi and go to a cooking show and have a great time. It’s a fun day, but I’m still anxious for the workshop. I choose a light orange wool. It’s reassuring for some reason. Tomorrow is going to be a long day and we are getting back late but the night was really fun. I enjoyed visiting with my family and hope to get to do it more often. It’s all part of who I am, whoever that may be.
Who are you? Who, who, who, who?
'Cause I really wanna know.
(g) Full of awe; November 22 haibun
9 hours ago