I'm barely getting through tomorrow…
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down
It’s that time of year. My love/hate relationship with the Christmas season has begun. Actually it started, oh probably, right after Thanksgiving. But here it is, the middle of December and it’s quickly progressing into full steam panic.
I don’t hate Christmas. Not completely. On a positive note there are some things I really like. I listen to Christmas music as soon as some of the radio channels change over to carols full time. I love the lights. Watching the sappy Christmas movies, when I can get away with it, is a favorite pastime. And I love the classics. I’m fond of black and white movies anyway and the classics are something I look forward to.
But there are many things I don’t care for as well. I don’t like the rush. Weren’t the Christmas items out on the shelf by October? There were Christmas trees and lights up way before Thanksgiving. What is the hurry?
Another thing I don’t care for is the fakeness I perceive to be involved with the season. People I don’t like and that I know don’t like me suddenly find the ‘Christmas spirit’ and do an about face of their natural behavior. I don’t like the pretend goodwill towards men. As soon as Christmas is over so is the benevolence. Granted, some of the goodness is legitimate. But in my mind the majority is a façade. That’s because it doesn’t last. If it was truly genuine people would always be the way they act during the holiday season. But they aren’t.
Probably the worst thing about the season and why I feel the way I do, is what I tend to do to myself. I have a picture of how the ‘perfect’ holiday should be, in my mind. Regardless of how hard I try, it’s not going to happen. So I worry and fret and stress about it instead of enjoying it. And this year I have a sense of apathy and no ambition. I just don’t want to. But all that has got to change because it’s coming, whether I’m ready or not. So, I’m deciding right now, as I write this, that I’m not going to worry any more. If it gets done, it gets done. If it doesn’t then it will later. Or not. It doesn’t matter!
So, if I don’t get your present on time, it just means I didn’t start shopping in January. But remember that I have a warm heart and I meant well. And while I’m flipping you off behind my tinted window because you stole the parking place I was waiting for I’ll be smiling at you and you’ll never even know you irritated me because I’m practicing tolerance…every single day. I’ll have my Christmas music blaring and I’ll watch every movie I can and if the tree gets decorated…well, that will only make things better! I’ll put all my spare pennies in the Salvation Army bucket because they only make my purse heavy anyway. And if you happen to come over I’ll spread some Christmas cheer. Hand me your glass.
Maybe I'll sleep real late.
Maybe I'll lose some weight.
Maybe I'll clear my junk.
Maybe I'll just get drunk on apple wine...
I’m slowly catching up and keeping (mostly) with knitayear. I’m on day 254. It was December 10, Friday and the day off. My attitude improved dramatically! I chose white sparkly yarn because it seemed fresh and renewed. Day 255, December 11 is my day to work. I heard about an arts/crafts fair so I decide to go after I get off. I didn’t listen well and don’t know where it is…and neither does anyone else. I’m searching and never find it so I don’t go. But I did get a little Christmas stuff done. I picked red, green, and white twisted together for today. December 12 was day 256. I’m feeling really lazy today and with so much to be done I shouldn’t. I picked a thick green yarn with silver thread through it. It’s fat like me but with the silver lining I’m always looking for. Day 257 was a typical Monday. It’s December 13, and I’m supposed to teach classes with the doctors and staff I work with. I am uncomfortable with the software to begin with but when I get to the lab it’s not installed. I have to remote to someone’s computer and it becomes a show and tell. I thought it was awful. We were also supposed to meet for knitting that night and the yarn store lady forgot and closed. So, it was just a Monday all the way around. I picked yarn that is black with pink, blue, and white twisted through it. Kind of summed up the day. But tomorrow is another day. And I’ll be fine. Just fine. Really, I’ll be fine.
Me, I'll be just
Fine and Dandy…
Lord it's like a hard candy Christmas…
(g) Full of awe; November 22 haibun
9 hours ago