Fruitcake

What you making? Fruitcake! 

What you baking? Fruitcake! 

Candied cherries, red dye number two, 

Green cherries? Green ones too! 

It’s fruitcake! It’s fruitcake! 

Fruitcake. The very word conjures up a variety of images. There’s that crazy person in the office down the hall. There’s the guy on the corner who barks when you go by because he thinks he’s a dog. And there’s the heavy, neon colored fruit embedded, full of nuts, rum soaked cake that one receives at Christmas.

Hear the Fruitcake song!

There are two distinct opinions when it comes to fruitcake: Those who like fruitcake, and those who loathe it. I happen to like fruitcake. If you don’t like fruitcake it’s probably because you’ve never tasted a good one.

My husband has a friend who gifts us with a fruitcake every year. It comes from Collin Street Bakery in Corsicana, Texas, and it’s wonderful! We get their world-famous DeLuxe® Fruitcake. They bake it from their original recipe, developed in 1896. It’s chock full of fruit and nuts and it’s just good!

Collin Street Bakery

Deluxe Fruitcake

Yummy!!!

There are lots of jokes about fruitcake. You can use it like a brick, for a doorstop. You can build your biceps by using it as a weight. You can put a ribbon on it and give it to your boss. You can use it for self defense. Or you can just eat it.

All this talk about fruitcake has made me hungry. Since we scarfed our fruitcake up (my husband likes it too), before the relatives come in so we didn’t have to share, it’s all gone. After thinking about it I remembered my grandmother and mother both used to make fruitcake. I was sure I had the family recipe so I started digging around and sure enough I found it. I’d like to share it with you.

The Ultimate Fruitcake Recipe 

You'll need the following:

• 1 cup butter 
• 1 cup sugar 
• 4 large eggs 
• 2 cups dried fruit (I used one carton of candied fruit) 
• 1 teaspoon baking soda 
• 1 teaspoon salt 
• 1 cup brown sugar 
• 1 teaspoon lemon juice 
• 4 cups nuts (pecans or walnuts) 
• 1 bottle of good quality rum 

NOTE: Rum may be replaced with your favorite beverage.

Directions: Sample the rum to check for quality.

Find a large bowl. Check the rum again. To ensure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teacup of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the rum is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the rum to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the rum. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the rum again and go to bed.

It sounds great! I’m trying it tonight. By the way, it's supposedly impossible to age a fruitcake too long. If it’s stored in an airtight container and basted occasionally with liquor, it'll keep indefinitely. Of course you’ll need to make sure it’s quality liquor before basting.

Pecans or walnuts, Citrus peel, lots of stuff, 

Add what you feel! 

Sticks of butter, cinnamon, Mo-molasses, lots of dark rum, 

Artificial color, artificial flavor, 

If your family don’t want it, 

Give it to a neighbor! 

It’s fruitcake! 

It’s fruitcake! 

My friend made a crocheted candy cane for my tree. Pretty, huh!

Here’s a picture of my cute miniature snowman tea set. Just the right size if you don’t like fruitcake!

 

 Fruit cake! Heavy as lead. 

Fruitcake! If it hits in the head! 

Fruit cake! It could kill you dead! 

It’s Fruitcake! 

Yeah, fruitcake!