All Star

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me.

I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed.

She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb

In the shape of an "L" on her forehead…

I’m sitting at the airport and as is so becoming the norm, I’ve been extremely stupid. Again. I got to the airport in plenty of time. I checked in. I decided because it was going to be an all day trip I’d grab a sandwich. After all, I had plenty of time. I sit, watch people, and then meander to the gate. A flight is leaving at 12:20. My flight. And I’m not on it. I look at my ticket. The flight was scheduled to land at the first stop at 2:30. Somehow that’s what my muddled brain interpreted as takeoff.

The man at the gate is very nice to me. I can see the pity in his eyes. Poor stupid woman he is no doubt thinking. Wonder how she’s made it this far? He can get me out but there’s a chance I won’t make the connecting flight. That would mean I’d be stuck until tomorrow. And guess where my suitcase is? As my sweet friend Brenda says, Que Sera, Sera. At this point, that’s all that’s left.

While I sit, I think back on all of the outright stupid things I do and say on a regular basis. They are quite unintentional. Who would do these kinds of things on purpose??? In most cases nobody COULD do these things on purpose. Just the other day I locked the keys in the trunk, with my suitcase. It was sheer luck I had forgotten to lock the door the day before and was able to get in and find the trunk open button in a strange car. Luckily I didn’t miss that flight.

I thought about making a list of the many stupid things I’ve done. You know, for your entertainment. But it would be too long. And I could make a lot more blog posts instead of just one! Now some of the stupid things I do are just ordinary stupid things, like losing my car in the parking lot. A lot of people do that. I see people all the time playing like they are just clicking their clicker when actually they have no clue where they parked. It happens to both men and women. No gender is spared!

There was this time I lost the parking lot though. That probably doesn’t happen to very many people. It was downtown Austin. I was there for a meeting. First, let me mention that I am extremely directionally challenged. I can’t help it. I turn the wrong way at the mall unless I look to see which direction the store I originally came in is located. I have spent countless hours taking scenic routes and discovering things that I will never see again because I won’t be able to find them. The Garmin is a wonderful invention when it’s correct!

That day I found the building, parked and went inside. When I came out of the building it was through a different door. My sensible (and wonderful!) friend Miya walked out with me. She said, is your car over there? As I glanced around nothing was looking familiar. No bells were ringing. Hmmmm…I don’t know I tell her. But Miya, like I said, is sensible. And smart. She says, no worries. We’ll find it. She knows where she parked so we get in her car and we start to cruise the parking garage.

Let me say too, that in some ways I’m a very detailed oriented person. In other ways, not so much. Miya asked, what kind of car is it? Hmmmm…well, that might be another problem. I don’t know. Before you slap your head in disbelief, let me tell you I rent many cars. My job includes a lot of travel. So I don’t always remember. She said, no problem. What color? It might be white I say. Since Miya likes me she is extremely patient. Or maybe because she knows me she’s extremely tolerant! So, to make a long story short, we cruise another parking garage, and after many vague answers eventually find my car. Thank you Miya!

I worry sometimes though. If I’m this bad already how bad will I get? Have I lost some essential brain cells or do I just not pay attention? Or could it be a combination of the two? I remember once asking something incredibly stupid to my friend, incredibly stupid in his mind anyway. He answered then asked me if I dyed my hair. I first thought he was exceedingly rude, as he oftentimes is. Eventually I realized he was asking me if I was really a blonde under this dark hair. I assure you I am not. But it’s really possible, considering some of the things I come up with, that my hair was an entirely different color in a previous life! At least I could use that as an excuse!

Sidenote: No offense intended at all towards blondes. 

As is routinely seen all hair colors demonstrate equal degrees of ignorance at times!

Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming.

Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running.

Didn't make sense not to live for fun,

Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.

It’s day 302 of my knitayear. It’s January 27 and fly to South Carolina tomorrow. I also have a doctor’s appointment and though I dearly love him I don’t like to go see him. I don’t do well with needles and such. I’m a little anxious, worrying about blood tests and all and trying to remember details for the trip. I don’t feel great either. On a good note I did get to see the littles for a bit. E and I went to Wmart and he got to pick out anything he wanted for a belated birthday present. It was fun. Sweet boy was worried about getting everyone else a prize as well. I chose a novelty yarn with bits of ribbon hanging from it. Day 303, January 28, and first off the bat I lock the keys in the trunk with the suitcase. I’m hoping it’s not an omen but it will turn out it is. But I find the way into the car and make the flight on time and all is well. I’m feeling kind of jinxed already. I choose gray and teal thick and thin wool. It’s day 304, January 29. The flight was long but uneventful. It was dark when I got to Charleston so I just called room service. I didn’t look for any of the others so I head down to meet them today. I met a couple of them before. It’s a long day but there’s some good information. Since this will be part of my job now I’m getting enthused. But you can’t sit for hours without some mind wandering. I look to see if there are any yarn shops close. My luck has changed! There’s one within walking distance! I skip lunch and head over and score. More on that later! I’m feeling lucky and choose bright green and blue cotton. Day 305, January 30, and it’s the last day. I did meet some lovely people. One special lady is a fellow knitter! All but two of us leave today. I’m still feeling sick so we go eat and I go to bed. Little do I know it’s going to be all downhill from here! I choose an ugly yarn because of how I’m feeling. It’s fuzzy and orange and yellow and purple. Day 306 is January 31. I get to sleep in as I have a late shuttle. I wake up and have Theraflu for breakfast. Hopefully it will help get me through the day til I can get home. Head to the airport and that’s when I make my stupidest mistake of the month. I choose thick black yarn that has bright spots of color. The color means there’s always hope. I think. I guess I’ll continue to live by the 50-50-90 rule. Anytime I have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability I’ll get it wrong. Watch out for me. I need it!

Embassy Suites in Charleston where I stayed. Was the old Citadel. http://preview.tinyurl.com/47gjo7r

The towers at the top show the slots where the guns went.

One of many original gun turrets.

And all that glitters is gold.

Only shooting stars break the mold…