Shut Up

Shut up. Just shut up. 

We try to take it slow, 

But we're still losing control. 

And we try to make it work, 

But it still ends up the worst. 

Every profession has its own jargon. The terminology associated with a subject, the acronyms comprising a vocabulary of alphabet soup and of course, the buzzwords, create a language only those privy of the knowledge can comprehend.

Educationese is the language educators (a.k.a. teachers) speak, usually on a daily basis. In fact, in order to become a teacher an educator, certain requirements must be met, including taking an ordinary, everyday activity and turning it into a multi-syllable word or sentence, or better yet, an acronym. Why? Teachers are smart, you know. So everything they say has to sound impressive.

The Columbia Guide to Standard American English defines educationese (or teacherese) as the name sometimes given to the jargon too frequently employed by some of those who train our schoolteachers. It is characterized typically by its humorlessly abstract, Latinate, and polysyllabic diction and its convoluted, rambling, and frequently passive syntax. Fights are never “fights” and rarely even “quarrels.” Instead, fights are “conflict situations.” At its worst, instead of correcting imprecision and ignorance, Teacherese tries to conceal learning activities, frequently from teachers themselves.

A child interacting with manipulatives in order to increase fine motor skills and critical thinking is probably just playing with blocks. If he should engage in low-organized physical education or consumer awareness, he was most likely playing outside until his mother asked him to escort her to the grocery store.

Every year there seems to be an abundance of overused buzzwords. "Thinking outside the box creates a new paradigm that authenticates assessment to meet the objectives of lifelong learning and college readiness". Sometimes they are just ordinary words, twisted and combined to sound important. I’ve heard comprehensive support, expectation, and building capacity run together in sentences that don’t even make sense. “The expectation is that the expectations will be met with the objective being that the expectations of the expectation occur in a timely manner that is conducive to the expectation of the expectations in order to build capacity to ensure comprehensive support.” Uh…right.

A few years back when Palm was still popular I had a game called BS Bingo. You could enter all the buzzwords at that particular time then during a meeting you could mark them off as they were said. It was quite entertaining (to me) and helped me get through a boring meeting or two. I should check to see if there is an Android app that is comparable. Now, I just keep a tally to see how many times certain terms are repeated. It just takes one time for it to be said then every speaker from there on out repeats the word, adding their own bit of emphasis.

It’s not that I’ve built capacity. It’s more like I’m filled to capacity. And the expectation is that I remain attentive until time to go. I’d hate for my accountability to be damaged so I’ll hide my attention deficit disorder while I continue with my authentic learning so I can pretend to be engaged in a collaborative experience. Oh…that’s five for expectation.  

Let's forget the past 

And let's start this new plan. 

Why? 'cause it's the same old routine. 

And then next week I hear them scream.  

Shut up.

Just shut up.

Hard to believe but my firstborn grandson had a birthday this week. That’s not the hard to believe part. What's unbelievable is that he’s 8 years old. It seems like just yesterday we were anxiously awaiting his arrival.

He wanted a specific toy, but I wanted something special for him. I decided we’d give him some money and his mom and dad could take him to find that toy. And I made him a coupon book, good for different things.

Cover for the Bday coupon book

I cheated, because of time, and edited a printable I found on the Internet. I altered the text and changed pictures and made coupons with things we wanted him to have. And after seeing how easy it was I’m sure I can make my own from scratch next time. We brainstormed and he had coupons for spending the night with us, breakfast in bed, lunch with us, candy, a new shirt, a movie date, driving the bobcat (a little tractor thing that occupies a lot of my husband’s time), a trip to the ranch, a new toy and any other thing we could think of he might like. He ended up with about 15 coupons. My husband printed them in color; I cut them out and made a cover. It was kind of cute.

Printed coupons

We met at Mr. Gatti’s, a pizza place with games. I put the coupon book and a couple of other little things in a bag for him to open. He had a friend with him and his brother and sister and all were anxious to get to the games. He looked the book over, but was more excited with the other little prizes in the bag at the moment.

Lots of coupon fun!

I do know that once he settles down and looks at the book he’ll realize what he can do with it! He can’t have breakfast in bed unless he’s at our house. So, if he uses that coupon it’s a night or weekend with us. He can’t very well have lunch with us unless it’s at our house. So that’s another night/weekend over. He’ll figure it out pretty quickly! In the meantime, I’ll be glad for a visit from him, anytime.

Lunch coupon means overnight stay!

It’s a lot of fun when they come over, whether it’s all of them or just one or two. We play, watch movies, have picnics and just enjoy the time together. And sometimes, if we need to, we all just shut up and rest! It’s all good.  

Stop the talking baby, 

Or I start walking baby. 

Is that all there is? 

Shut it up, just shut up. 

Shut up, 

Just shut up.

Snow Day

Open my eyes start to get out of bed. 

Throw back the curtains to see a white spread! 

I feel like I’m ten, it has snowed once again! 

Let’s go have some fun! The day’s only begun!  

The severe weather warnings started two days before the actual weather began. For once, all of the TV weathermen were in agreement. There was a chance of snow; A lot of snow. Out here, even if there is a 50% chance of anything there is a 50% chance that nothing will happen. If it does happen though, it usually makes an impact. On this day, almost ten and a half inches of the cold white stuff fell!

What a forecast!

The climate here is mostly considered desert. In fact, right now Texas is in a severe drought. Where I live there have been burn bans and water restrictions for almost a year. So, any kind of moisture is welcome. But, because snow is so uncommon, even a sprinkling can shut the area down.

Snow snow snow!

When my alarm went off at 5:30 it was raining. But it quickly turned to sleet. My husband works for a school district so he was out early, checking roads to make sure it would be safe for buses to transport students. I had a headache that wouldn’t quit so I called in to work and said I’d make it in by noon. Then I went back to sleep.

Snow covered trees at the house

Around 9:00 I woke up again. My phone dinged with a text and my husband said it was getting bad and he didn’t want me to go in to work. It’s a 45 mile drive for me, usually clear and easy but when it’s bad…it’s bad. I had a presenter who was supposed to be flying in so I emailed work and asked my secretary to call her. I was told we were closing because it was so bad. Soon the news reports, with all the early closings, were pouring in. It was official. It was a snow day!

Views from the front of the house

Views from the back of the house

The snow fell most of the day. We ended up with about six inches. It was so pretty and peaceful! Everything was covered in a shiny white carpet. Funny thing, it was snowing but the sun was beginning to come out and it was melting, all at the same time. I didn’t go outside, much anyway, and I didn’t build a snowman. I just enjoyed the chill in the air and the beauty of the change. I love when it snows, especially if I don’t have to get out. And I can wear knitted things!

About 5 inches and still snowing!

This is the third snow in a very short time. There are reports that there’s been more out here than in Chicago! As they say in Texas, if you don’t like the weather, wait 15 minutes and it will change! Sure enough, by the next morning, the road to work was passable. One lane of the highway still had icy spots but all else was clear. There were several signs of the storm on the interstate, skid marks, stranded cars and missing guard rails, but other than that it was a normal travel day. By afternoon there were places where you would never have known there had been a snow storm! Only the standing puddles were evidence of the wild weather the days before. On the third day, it was almost completely gone, melted into the ground. Maybe it won’t be the last snow this winter. We need any moisture we can get. Hopefully it will be enough to make spring a little greener!

Snow covered pump jack-Picture by Brook Hudson

I’ll see this through, I will turn my hands blue. 

Mister snowman, my heart is beating for you! 

I’m to the point that I’ll take a snow day (or almost any other excuse!) so as not to have to go to the office. When the kids were little we’d go out and play. But I don’t really like getting cold and wet anymore, so I just puttered around and entertained myself. I knitted, put away some Chirstmas, got some things ready for the trip on the weekend and just took it easy. There was a lot I could have done. I just didn’t.

Christmas yarn...what to make?

I got some really pretty yarn for Christmas, from Bryce and more from a friend, so I’ve been contemplating what I’ll make with it. Ravelry is a fun pastime. Then there is Pinterest. Yes, there was a lot I could have done on this snow day!

It’s a school day, school is closed. 

Gonna go outside and make a snowman there. 

Wanna join me in the field?

Oh Christmas Tree

Oh, Christmas Tree 

How lovely are your branches... 

What? Just a little late you’re thinking, right? Well, probably. But I didn’t get any pictures of the tree posted prior to Christmas. Our custom is to leave it up til after New Year’s Day and this year I had to go back to work on January 2. I was thinking I might never get it down when I remembered reading about the Twelfth Night.

Wasn't it pretty?

I’ve always thought, as probably a lot of people do, that the Twelve Days of Christmas meant the days before Christmas. Well, come to find out, it’s actually the twelve days after Christmas! In the olden days, the Twelfth Night to Epiphany morning was the traditional time to take down the Christmas tree and decorations. I’m not so behind after all!

Three cross stitched candy cane holders. Made by the mother of one of my former students, now a friend. Intricate.

Admittedly, I’m not always the most prompt in taking down the Christmas decorations. First off, it’s like the little red hen around here. I don’t get a lot of help, either putting things out or gathering them up after the holidays. Working 11 hours a day then doing it in my ‘spare’ time doesn’t always warrant a fast pickup. There have been some years the tree and decorations were up way past Christmas. In fact, I think it was around June last year when I spied a snowman (the tree was down at least!) I’d forgotten to put away. It doesn’t really matter because nobody comes out here so my secret is safe! Nevertheless, I was pleased to find out about Epiphany, even though I might stretch it out another twelve days!

My grandmother crocheted the ball ornaments. She said she didn't have a pattern and each one is just a bit different. The others are just an assortment of things I like.

I made this little angel years ago. She probably qualifies as an antique!

Can't see well but one of my favorites. One year I was supposed to get a rocking chair and it didn't come so my mom and dad gave me this ornament to let me know. Inside is a rocking chair, presents, doll, and toys.

Some family ornaments. There are many. And no, I didn't forget you Bryce and Callye! Camera acted up.

As I’m taking the ornaments off, putting them in their packages, in a box, for next year, I remember where each one came from. They are good memories but the whole ordeal has an air of sadness. This Christmas is over. We had a white Christmas this year and everyone came here. Those memories will go in the box with the special ornaments. I look at the individual baubles, those marking ‘first’ Christmas, those marking life events and those handmade with love. Some I made, some were gifts and some were put together by little hands in school. Our tree is decorated in patchwork. Each ornament is connected to the others in a crazy way creating a blanket of memories. I’ll pack the ornaments away and rediscover the delight next year when it all comes back out.  

It was a white Christmas!

Oh Christmas Tree, 

Oh, Christmas Tree 

Your gentle spirit teaches us. 

That peace and love shall ever be 

As faithful as a Christmas Tree... 

I’m almost finished with the shawl. She may have to do the blocking, but at least the knitting will be done. I really want to start something new. Or maybe several somethings! But I’m being good. So far!

On the downhill side! It'd go faster if I'd quit messing up!

The lace edge

I posted a status on Facebook and promised to make something for the first five people who commented. I got a lot, really fast, which surprised me. Anyway, I took all seven. I’ll be making something for Debi, Rachel, Marivel, Carla, Charli, Katie and Amy sometime during 2012. It’s kind of exciting! And it snowed today. That would make it all right to leave the snowmen out for a while. It sometimes even snows in February, right?  

In summer sun or winter snow, 

A coat of green you always show. 

Oh Christmas Tree, 

Oh, Christmas Tree 

How lovely are your branches.

Run That Body Down

How long you think that you can 

Run that body down? 

How many nights you think that you can 

Do what you been doin'? 

Who you foolin? 

I’d rather stay up late than go to bed early. I’d rather stay in bed than get up at the butt crack of dawn too. I’ve always been that way. I try to get to bed early but most nights I have too much to do to get there. Do I finish it all? No! After I get home from work, fix supper, load/unload the dishwasher (or not), wash clothes (or not) I just want to sit in my chair. Before I know it, it’s close to midnight!

On a good night I’ll get 6 hours sleep, maybe. At the 5:30 a.m. alarm in the morning, I’ll hit snooze and stay in bed as late as I can without being late for work. Breakfast is a travel mug of coffee, sometimes  accompanied by a Rice Krispie Treat or a PopTart on the 45 minute drive to work. I usually stay in for lunch but occasionally I’ll go with someone and get out of the office. By afternoon I’m dragging and think maybe a cup of coffee or a Coke might help. After an almost always stressful workday, another 45 minute drive home and supper, it all starts to catch up with me. Multiply it by 5 and by the weekend all I want to do is sleep in and sit around all day.

They say that if you start exercising you’ll have more energy. I have stairs in my house. Does that count? I go up and down the stairs, coming in and out of the house and also take laundry down and bring it up. And I knit. Surely that’s credit for some sort of exercise?

I know I’ve got to do better. It’s not fun being so tired. I don’t want to be the little old grandma in the chair who can’t do anything when the littles come over. I want to be able to do everything with them and for them. With that said…I’d better go to bed!  

I came back home and I went to bed 

I was resting my head... 

I didn’t really make any resolutions this New Year. I have some things I want and need to improve on, but I haven’t written anything down. Yet. But I still might. One thing I have decided, along with several of my knitting pals, is to complete some UFOs. UFO means an unfinished object. I’m an expert at UFOs. I finish the knitting part and I’m done. I don’t bother to weave in the ends or sew on the buttons or block something unless I’m forced to. Forced by myself that is. I just start knitting something else!

January in particular is the month to finish some things. So I’m giving it a try. Right now I’m working on the shawl I started (and stopped) for my sister. I know of three or four more needing the ends worked in. I haven’t taken the time to get all of them out, but I know there are plenty.

Assorted ends to work in and a couple of buttons to sew on

Trouble is, I also want to start things. We knitters call it ‘startitis’. And I have it bad! I haven’t cast on anything yet, but I did have a request for a scarf, much like the one I did as a gift for Christmas.
So now I have an excuse! But I’ll wait and do that as soon as the shawl is finished. I need a carry along project anyway, right?

Working on Judi's shawl

It’s supposed to snow tonight. If it was enough I might not have to go to work tomorrow! Then I could sit around and knit or something. It sounds good because I’m already tired.  

Kid, you better look around. 

How long you think that you can 

Run that body down? 

How many nights you think that you can 

Do what you been doin'? 

Who you foolin?

A Long December

...and there's reason to believe 

Maybe this year will be better than the last. 

I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving. 

Oh the days go by so fast… 

Goodbye 2011! 

Hello 2012! 

The New Year seems to me to be much like a book, waiting to be opened and read. We don’t know the ending (and in this case can’t cheat and look ahead!) Each chapter and often each page is a new beginning. Some chapters flow smoothly while some jump from point to point. Some pass quickly, too quickly, while others drag on eternally. Some answer all questions while others leave voids that may never be filled.

There are many characters, old friends, new friends, enemies and nemesis, those who wish you success and those who would do anything to help you fail. We embrace the characters in our year and grow with them, either closer or apart. Some characters are written out while new characters are introduced. We care, either growing to love or despise each individual. Regardless, all help form the book that is our year, our life.

As we go through we anxiously await the ending of each chapter. We sometimes forget that we should savor each day as a page in our lives because unlike a book, we can’t go back to re-read and reinterpret. Most times we hurry through to reach the end then remorse that the time passed so quickly.

When things go smoothly we want to continue in the series and see what the next volume brings. When things aren’t flowing as anticipated we contemplate another author, someone with a guaranteed happy ending, only to find there is no such thing. So we continue in our sequence, be it the one we chose or not.

When a chapter leaves an impression we remember for days, weeks and even years. There is no discrimination in memory and we internalize all, the good, the bad and yes, even the ugly. And although we can’t change the way it’s written we relive those chapters until it reads the way we wish it had been.

The end of the year, as the end of a book, can leave you with a sense of satisfaction or regret. What we read has left an imprint. It has changed our world, either dramatically or subtly. The New Year, as in a new book, can hook you right away or turn you off completely. It’s your choice because you’re the author. While you decide, keep in mind that every day is a brand new day, an opportunity for a new start.

As a teacher advising a student, I know you can read the book you want to read. Be open to recommendations from peers, parents and friends to get you started and on the right track. But remember, in the end YOU are the one reading the book. Don’t think you have to read or like a chapter just because everyone else does. If you like the pages of the book you’re reading, it can serve as a guide to others in their book choice. Make it good and enjoy it to the fullest!

And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe 

Maybe this year will be better than the last.

I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself 

To hold on to these moments as they pass...

Happy New Year!

Shopping...

Well you know that it's going to be alright.        

I think it's gonna be alright.        

Everything will always be alright.            

When we go shopping....       

I used to be a champion shopper. I liked them all, from the department to the discount stores. My car seemed to automatically swerve towards a WalMart if there was one on the way to my destination. I knew the layout of the mall and every store within. I don’t know when it changed but something happened and shopping didn’t seem as much fun anymore. It could be the lengthy lines of people waiting to get out of the store. Often it takes longer to get out of the store than to do the whole shopping tour. Or maybe it’s the apathy of the store personnel. Then again, it could just be the rudeness of people in general. Whatever the reason, I just don’t like to go much anymore.

This year most of my Christmas shopping was done online. It was so much easier to sit in the chair, click a few times then have whatever delivered to my door, or at least to my husband’s office than to go out hunting and fighting the crowds. It worked really well until I messed up and accidentally had things delivered to an old address on one account. The stuff went to another town. Luckily, the people living in the house knew my name and delivered everything to my daughter!

Maybe not having a willing shopping partner has taken some of the joy out of my quest. There were times, years ago, that my friend Debbie and I could stay in a small town WalMart for two or three hours, just looking at ‘stuff’! But there’s nobody to shop with nowadays. My husband would rather go to the dentist than take a trip to a mall! Now make it Academy or Tractor Supply and he’s a world class shopper! Sometimes my daughter will go with me. Otherwise, I’m on my own. I really don’t mind shopping by myself, most of the time. I can take my time, look at what I want, for as long as I want, try on, dawdle, and generally, just do my thing! But it’s fun, with the right companion, to shop away!

After all the Christmas visitors left, we (my husband and son and I) decided to take an impromptu shopping trip. My oldest son is a great shopping buddy. He could win a prize in the shopping Olympics! So we got a hotel room, piled in the car and took off to San Antonio for a shopping day. We were up relatively early the next morning and headed to an outdoor mall called The Shops at La Cantera. It’s semi upscale, with Neiman Marcus (a good store for me to walk right through) to Macy’s. In fact, we even saw a Payless Shoes there so there’s something for everyone. There happened to be a Bass Pro Shop down the way and an Omnimax theater, so Alan just dropped us off and our fun began. We were looking for bargains and we found a few!

The Shops at La Cantera

Perhaps my favorite treasure was a faux fur coat in a leopard print. Why? Because I could I guess! It was 85% off the regular price. As my sister always says, I couldn’t afford not to! Bryce thinks it’s hideous. And it could be, but I’ll wear it anyway. It’s just for fun. And when I’m in the nursing home I’ll make sure to wear it whenever he comes for a visit!

Fake leopard and I love it!

Quite the haul!

We found a lot of things and had a good lunch. That was our recharge and we went until we couldn’t go anymore. There were so many stores and not enough time! Seriously, even if we had taken another day and night, we still would not have seen everything. Finally, with both of us near exhaustion, and Alan Bass Pro’d and Imaxed out, we headed home. One stop at Rudy’s Barbeque and four and a half hours later, we were snuggled deep in our beds with visions of bargains floating in our heads! It was a good trip.

So shutup 

And never stop. 

Let's shop 

Until we drop...

After that little jaunt my shopping interest is renewed! Of course, I’ll have to wait until I’m in another town because Odessa is severely lacking. One thing I did (sadly) miss out on is the “Happy New Year and Sale” at The Tinsmith's Wife in Comfort, Texas. All their yarn is discounted 25% throughout the rest of 2011 (Wednesday, 12/28, through Saturday, 12/31). That place is one of my all time favorite yarn shops. Their selection is unbelievable. But I really don’t need any yarn anyway. (What? Who said that?) So it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t have a project in mind and I would have bought yarn so it saved me some money! (Insert a small sob here.)

Speaking of projects, I had a Christmas knitting success! Ty’s friend Jenni, came home with him for the holidays. He had requested a rainbow scarf for her so I knitted one. It was fun and turned out pretty nice. I decided to add buttons on the end so that she could button and loop it, making an infinity or eternity scarf, or leave it unbuttoned and wear as a regular scarf. That’s about the only Christmas knitting I did this year and I’m sure glad I did! She liked it.

Wrapped three times

Up close of buttons. Crocheted loops to fasten

Worn like a regular scarf

Buttoned and looped twice

It's never enough 

Until you've got all the stuff.

When the going gets rough 

Just shop with somebody tough...

'Twas The Night Before Christmas...

When all through the house, 

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

When I was little we spent Christmas with my grandparents in Lubbock. We moved to Albuquerque when I was about three, and my parents always went ‘home’ for Christmas. Both sets of grandparents lived there so it worked out fine because we got to see everyone.

My dad’s mom, my grandmother, always said “Christmas Eve Gift” when we got there. Sometimes it was in the middle of the night but if it was Christmas Eve, that’s what she said in greeting, as soon as we walked through the door.

I never knew what it meant. I thought it was just one of those weird Grandmother things that she did and said. Later, when Grandmother and Granddaddy were no longer around to celebrate Christmas with, we still said it. It didn’t matter if we were at my house, my mom’s or my brother’s, that was the first thing said when someone arrived. It was kind of a joke to Grandmother I guess.

One year, on a knitting list I’m a part of, one of the ladies posted about Christmas Eve Gift. I was surprised! All this time I thought it was just something in our family, so I checked it out on the Internet. (I really don’t know what people did before the Internet. That’s my main source of information!) Anyway, I found out there is a custom, more often than not dealing with gifts, centered on the saying, “Christmas Eve Gift.”

I still remember Grandmother, happy to see us, saying Christmas Eve Gift. I remember walking through the garage, to the back door, and the smell of her house as we came in from the long trip. I remember her having the beds ready, pallets on the floor for us kids, and the warmth and comfort that was offered.

We don’t give or get an extra gift for being the first to say Christmas Eve Gift in our family. I know now what the gift was, as we came through the door and she called out, “Christmas Eve Gift” and we said it back. It’s the gift of being with those you love. It’s the gift of family, together at Christmas.

Remember, the things you get and give this year, the material things, are just that; things. And they will soon be forgotten. The best gift of Christmas is the gift of yourself, spending time with those who mean the most. That’s the gift that will be cherished and remembered, for the rest of time.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, 

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there...

I found this poem, written by Howard Epstein. I adapted it...just a little, just for fun. Enjoy!

A Knitter’s Christmas 

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, 

 Knitting needles were clicking, by way of my spouse, 

Knit one, purl one, and yarn over too, 

Her fingers were flying, so much left to do, 

A ski hat for Ty, a warm scarf for Jen, 

A sweater for Bryce, He’ll start a new trend! 

A silk shawl for Judi, some argyles for Dad, 

A knit toy for Caleb, that loquacious lad,

I watch her with wonder, as objects appear, 

Some flowers, a castle, a river, a deer, 

An edging, a ruffle, are done in a whiz, 

She’s painting with yarn, like the artist she is, 

Her patterns are perfect, there’s never a glitch, 

And I know she is knitting, a kiss in each stitch, 

I think that all knitters, who labor away, 

Giving joy unto others, must feel good every day, 

Her needles stop clicking, nothing more left to do, 

So I sit down and say, “Merry Christmas to you” 

And to all who are knitters, may I say with delight, 

“Merry Christmas To All, And To All A Good Night!” 

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, 

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

Fruitcake

What you making? Fruitcake! 

What you baking? Fruitcake! 

Candied cherries, red dye number two, 

Green cherries? Green ones too! 

It’s fruitcake! It’s fruitcake! 

Fruitcake. The very word conjures up a variety of images. There’s that crazy person in the office down the hall. There’s the guy on the corner who barks when you go by because he thinks he’s a dog. And there’s the heavy, neon colored fruit embedded, full of nuts, rum soaked cake that one receives at Christmas.

Hear the Fruitcake song!

There are two distinct opinions when it comes to fruitcake: Those who like fruitcake, and those who loathe it. I happen to like fruitcake. If you don’t like fruitcake it’s probably because you’ve never tasted a good one.

My husband has a friend who gifts us with a fruitcake every year. It comes from Collin Street Bakery in Corsicana, Texas, and it’s wonderful! We get their world-famous DeLuxe® Fruitcake. They bake it from their original recipe, developed in 1896. It’s chock full of fruit and nuts and it’s just good!

Collin Street Bakery

Deluxe Fruitcake

Yummy!!!

There are lots of jokes about fruitcake. You can use it like a brick, for a doorstop. You can build your biceps by using it as a weight. You can put a ribbon on it and give it to your boss. You can use it for self defense. Or you can just eat it.

All this talk about fruitcake has made me hungry. Since we scarfed our fruitcake up (my husband likes it too), before the relatives come in so we didn’t have to share, it’s all gone. After thinking about it I remembered my grandmother and mother both used to make fruitcake. I was sure I had the family recipe so I started digging around and sure enough I found it. I’d like to share it with you.

The Ultimate Fruitcake Recipe 

You'll need the following:

• 1 cup butter 
• 1 cup sugar 
• 4 large eggs 
• 2 cups dried fruit (I used one carton of candied fruit) 
• 1 teaspoon baking soda 
• 1 teaspoon salt 
• 1 cup brown sugar 
• 1 teaspoon lemon juice 
• 4 cups nuts (pecans or walnuts) 
• 1 bottle of good quality rum 

NOTE: Rum may be replaced with your favorite beverage.

Directions: Sample the rum to check for quality.

Find a large bowl. Check the rum again. To ensure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teacup of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the rum is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the rum to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the rum. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the rum again and go to bed.

It sounds great! I’m trying it tonight. By the way, it's supposedly impossible to age a fruitcake too long. If it’s stored in an airtight container and basted occasionally with liquor, it'll keep indefinitely. Of course you’ll need to make sure it’s quality liquor before basting.

Pecans or walnuts, Citrus peel, lots of stuff, 

Add what you feel! 

Sticks of butter, cinnamon, Mo-molasses, lots of dark rum, 

Artificial color, artificial flavor, 

If your family don’t want it, 

Give it to a neighbor! 

It’s fruitcake! 

It’s fruitcake! 

My friend made a crocheted candy cane for my tree. Pretty, huh!

Here’s a picture of my cute miniature snowman tea set. Just the right size if you don’t like fruitcake!

 

 Fruit cake! Heavy as lead. 

Fruitcake! If it hits in the head! 

Fruit cake! It could kill you dead! 

It’s Fruitcake! 

Yeah, fruitcake!