If it's the last thing we ever do…
Do you ever feel like you just have to get away? Not from anything specific, not from anyone specific and sometimes not even from anywhere specific…but you just have to get away? It’s one of those times.
I was told once by a supervisor that I’d do anything to avoid conflict. Well, that’s sort of true. Actually conflict can make me want to retreat. I put up with a lot at work, in personal relationships and just in general. But the older I get the less inhibitive I’ve become and I don’t practice restraint as well as I used to.
Sometimes general confusion makes me want to take flight. Take dealing with the dog for instance. Junior is the new star of the family. He doesn’t do much wrong, unless, of course, it’s just me and him. He’s a six month old Rottweiler and all in all isn’t a bad dog for a puppy. But it’s like he can read my mind and knows just what buttons to push. He has an inner sense, much like a child to a mother, knowing the minute you sit down and become comfortable. Immediately, he needs something. He may snitch something he’s not supposed to have. He may scratch at the door because he needs out. He may get a drink of water then bring the water dish over because he drank it all. He might even put his bone under the ottoman and then try to squeeze in between me in the chair and the ottoman to get it out. It’s almost like he thinks of things to annoy me and make me get up.
Put Junior and two dear grands together and it really is just a ball of confusion. Oldest DGS (E) had to have an operation so Mamye (me) stayed with the other two, C and B. C is a little boy, three and B is a little girl, two. We had a great time but Junior is a little boy too and he doesn’t realize how big he is and that he’s rough so there was a lot of “Stop Junior!”, “No Junior!”, and “Quit Junior!” Mamye, Junior bite me, Mamye, Junior has my doll, Mamye, make Junior stop. Finally it was time for bed. With IceAge on tv, we settled in. Junior wanted up there with us but there wasn’t room. All was well until around 3:45 a.m. when youngest DS calls. When you are old, you always answer the phone if it rings late at night because who knows what might have happened. He acted like it was the middle of the day and chatted away. Since I was up I thought Junior might need to go outside. He wouldn’t. So I think all is well and just when I get settled I hear a noise.
It’s funny the noises a mother can identify. You can tell when a baby cries if it’s a hungry cry or a wet diaper cry or an I’m going to be sick cry. You can hear things when the kids aren’t making any noise and when they are making too much noise. So I hear Junior start to pee on the carpet. I sprung from the bed to see what was the matter and startled him and rushed him outside. But I’m not a morning person and for sure not a middle of the night person so I was a bit disgruntled. It was 4:30 in the morning so I figured he could just stay out.
We slept on til around 10:00 when DD called to say all went well with E and his surgery. The kids were still sleeping but I got up and thought I’d better check on Junior. He wasn’t there. I called. He didn’t come. I went to the front and called. He still didn’t come. I was working myself into a panic.
Junior is my DH’s best friend. In fact there are times I’m certain he likes Junior a lot better than me. I was thinking I was going to have to move if I didn’t find that dog. I called my DD. This one time I was thankful for a small town. She called her friend whose mother was friends with the dog catcher who happened to pick up Junior. $25.00 later he was back, not one bit sorry, but at least I didn’t lose the dog.
On the knitayear project for Thursday, a blue yarn with pieces of ribbon, yellow and pink, coming out of it was knitted in. I was feeling a bit frazzled and this yarn was a good representation of frazzled! Friday, the lost dog day, was a silk sari. It’s a dark maroon with some turquoise and green and red spun in to make a jewel like color. The day started kind of dark for me. I was a bit distraught when I couldn’t find Junior. But it turned out okay and the bright spots of turquoise and green signify that it was a good day after all. Saturday is pink and seed stitch. It was a great day. There’s nothing like hearing “I love you so much Mamye!” and having a little warm body or two or three climb in your lap. The seed stitch shows how the family is woven together thorough generations. It’s a day like this that I know I am in good place. But when the confusion and stress hit again I’ll be thinking…
We gotta get out of this place if it's the last thing we ever do.
We gotta get out of this place. Girl, there's a better life for me and you.
(g) Filling the Last Summer Day (9.21)
22 hours ago